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Sabbath Day Pooch Punts, Slobber-Knockers & Fumblerooskis

January 28th, 2009 · 15 Comments

super bowl

I wonder how many members say, “I’m not going to watch the Super Bowl because I want to keep the Sabbath Day holy.” Or how many actually TiVo the game so they can watch it on Tuesday (Monday being FHE). Is the Super Bowl really a violation of the Sabbath Day? Well, then slap the cuffs on, copper.

I don’t watch football games on TV, but I love the Super Bowl. It’s a national event; a quasi-holiday dedicated to the ultimate spoils going to the ultimate warriors. It’s watching award-winning $3 million commercials (that’s the actual price tag on a 30-second spot this year, folks) that everyone will talk about in office kitchens and revisit on YouTube. I like the little Bud bottles with football helmets and the Go Daddy girl. But I’m sorry to hear that, for the first time, no American car companies will run spots. I guess if they did it would be like flying to a Congressional meeting in a private jet.

Finally, the Super Bowl is about ingesting a sumptuous fare of taste bud-assaulting, artery-clogging delights– so many types of foods which have no business co-existing on the same plates– which, once gone, continue to haunt stomachs and colons for the rest of the week. I hear heart attacks and other cardiac emergencies double in Munich, Germany when their soccer team plays in World Cup matches. It’s gotta be something like that with the Super Bowl (especially since it’s on Sunday). Bolting from the couch in excitement, nacho lodged in your throat, your team scoring the winning touchdown– that’s how I’d want to go.

Sadly, I won’t be able to share in the gastronomic orgy this year because I’m competing in my office’s Biggest Loser contest. The pot’s $1,100 and, subsisting on a carefully planned, meager diet and going to the gym three times a week, I’m hellbent on winning. I’ll probably nurse non-fat cottage cheese, tuna and grapefruit while the ambrosial 7-layer dip and Extreme Doritos get passed back and forth over my lap.

Yes, I will transgress on the Sabbath, but not on my diet.

In years past we’ve usually gone to others’ homes to watch the game; the women gravitating into the kitchen or a back bedroom to watch a Colin Firth movie, and the men spread out on sofas, La-Z-Boys and bean bag chairs making their own commentary on players, plays and coaches– spontaneously erupting when, on the field, something actually happens. Like I said, I’m not big on football and I usually have nothing to say about the actual game itself . Fact is, there’s a lot of things about football I don’t understand, and haven’t been interested enough to try. But I do get enough that I enjoy watching the battle, and there’s usually at least one other metrosexual guy in the room who’ll stay with me to watch the commercials while the others pile on more food and drain the sea monster.

This year we haven’t made any Super Bowl party plans as of this writing, and may very well stay home. That’ll be fine with the Mrs., and I wouldn’t mind it either. If an invitation does spring up, though, I’ll be all over it.

It is, after all, a very special event.

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15 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Chris Bigelow // Jan 28, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    I’ve never actually sat down and watched the Super Bowl, not once in my life. Proud of it!

  • 2 David // Jan 28, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    Is that because you don’t like watching football, it’s on Sunday or the intense glorification and obscene money spent turns your stomach?

  • 3 Karron // Jan 28, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    I loathe American football. If I want two watch real football, I watch the Fox Soccer channel or Rugby games from down under. I don’t watch the Super Bowl because I think it is dumb and boring. Big sweaty guys falling on top of each other only to line up and do it again after wandering around looking lost for ten minutes.

    I do watch sports on Sunday afternoon, generally it is one of the European FA football (soccer in the US) games. I prefer fast paced games, and I grew up in Europe. Right now I am rooting for Chelsey to win the cup so they can go to the world cup game. I am afraid they won’t make it. I like to watch the Italian teams because they really play a fast paced game, and they make it interesting. Sans the last fist fight however.

    But I am glad that it is a tradition here for guys to bond over a TV sports cast and binge on junk food (except for David of course) once a year. Gives the women a chance to go shopping without a guy following her around and being bored.

  • 4 Tanya // Jan 28, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    I agree, I love the act of watching the Super Bowl. I think my mother would disown me if I ever skipped it. I don’t watch any football any other time of the year but on Super Bowl Sunday I too can be found watching.

  • 5 cheryl // Jan 29, 2009 at 1:46 am

    I like college football. My husband is an avid college ball fan (specifically BYU –I’m sure you know those types), and he also enjoys some NFL. So, football is usually on –even on Sundays.
    But then, we watch TV on Sundays. Always have. Always will.
    The Super Bowl isn’t a huuuuuge event for us, but we definitely watch it –and I’m like you. I always watch it for the entertainment and commercials (unless the kids are intently watching, and then I distract them. Seriously, what is up with all the bikini clad dancers? I HATE football cheerleaders –the NFL ones. Oh, and all those skanky women in beer commercials. You’d think we would have moved past this…but then again, we are talking “football.” Sigh).

    [Oh, and hey --my husband lost 50 pounds in 8 months and I lost 40 pounds in 9 months (men and their stupid metabolism!), so if you need any ideas on food that tastes good but will still allow you to win your prize, just let me know!]

  • 6 Karron // Jan 29, 2009 at 1:59 am

    Cheryl, I am always up for learning new recipes while losing weight. I can always email off line. David has my email address.

  • 7 xoxoxoxo // Jan 29, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    My oldest son (who turns 14 today) has the distinction of being the ONLY baby delivered by one of Utah Valley’s most popular doctors on Super Bowl Sunday. It’s one of the only “holidays” the man insists on taking religiously (he’s Catholic).

    As he (the doctor) tells it, he had delivered two other babies in the wee hours of the night and was on his way home bleary eyed when he got the page to come back and deliver mine. He was already in my room when he realized what day it was. After checking to be sure I would deliver “soon” and making sure the television in my room worked so he could listen to the pre-PRE-game commentary, he agreed to stick around to do the job we were paying him to do.

    Two years ago I became friends with a woman who used to work as one of his nurses. We were sharing stories about the good doctor (whom I truly do adore) and she mentioned his stubborn insistence that one of his partners always had to cover SB Sunday. I told her about my son and she actually said “So YOU’RE the one!” and burst out laughing. Apparently in the years following that fateful day, he’d made it clear to his staff that only ONE delivery would EVER occur on that day.

  • 8 David T. // Jan 29, 2009 at 7:03 pm


    I’d be interested to see your recipes– just remember, I don’t eat meat or dairy. Oh, and the only college ball I watch is UTE football. :)


    I could never get into soccer or rugby– it’s worse for me than football!


    Aw, your son can go to the dances now! Based on your hilarious story, I hope that means he is a die-hard Super Bowl nut.

  • 9 Karron // Jan 29, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    Oy xoxo, what a funny story! You son and my Crystal are the same age. She turned 14 the end of December.

    Dave, the whole dance thing is something neither of my boys would bother with, and Crystal thinks they are just a pre-marriage meat markets. Needless to say, she is not looking at getting married young. Nope, a college degree or three, mission, and a career before she ever thinks of marriage. Good for her!

  • 10 David // Jan 29, 2009 at 10:10 pm


    Of course, what I was thinking? To 14-year old boys, going to dances is more excrutiating than a root canal. Now, my 12-year old Miss D.– her junior high had a dance and she was all over it! No, she doesn’t want to marry young either, she wants a career like her mother. But she loves music, she loves to dance and she likes boys. So…

  • 11 cheryl // Jan 30, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    Ute ball? UTE ball?

    I don’t know if I can read this blog anymore…

  • 12 David // Jan 30, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    Say what you will, Ms. cheryl, but we did represent the Mountain West proudly this year. That counts for something, right?



  • 13 cheryl // Feb 1, 2009 at 5:39 am

    Yeah, yeah. Personally, I tried to tell my husband that, but he’s not buyin’ it… :)

  • 14 queuno // Feb 5, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    Dunno. I watched the game. Don’t get into all that stuff about commercials and food and pregame and halftime shows (which are for people who don’t really like football).

  • 15 queuno // Feb 5, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    (Although, SNL had a funny line on Saturday night — “The Steelers and Cardinals will be opening for Springsteen on Sunday night…”

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