Rough Stone Rolling

Converting Oneself One Day at a Time – A Mormon Blog

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The Email Always Rings Twice

January 7th, 2009 · 14 Comments

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Coming into a new year, I find myself entangled in a new, extremely intense relationship. Cheesy though it may sound, it’s developed into a blistering love affair and I see no way out– not that I’d take it if you showed me the way. If you told me 6 months ago that I’d be caught in such a situation, I’d have scoffed. No way, not me. And yet, here I am… juggling dual lives.

I am, of course, speaking of my Blackberry romance.

The hot, little Blackberry Curve came into my life last June, a Father’s Day gift. When I took it out of the box, it’s reflective titanium surface winked at me– cute buttons begging to be pushed– and already I knew I was in way over my head. Still, it started out innocently enough. I pulled out its manual– as any man would have done!– and unwittingly entered into the dark world of sybaritic cellular fetishism.

I fed its address book with phone numbers, no harm there. But then, other things began to happen. I gave it my email addresses and my hip started buzzing at the most spontaenous moments. No sound was uttered– just an unmistakable tingle letting me know it was there, and had something it wanted to give me.

Soon it showed me how to really google like a wild man. I thought I already was a consummate googler, but I’d always done it in the privacy of my home. Now I was doing it everywhere, all the time– inside, outside, it didn’t matter. No longer was I self-conscious about PDA.

I thought I’d gone about as far I’d ever dare go, but then it plied me with Google Maps. In nothing flat, I was unquestioningly taking directions from it, regardless of how devious or absurd they might be. I didn’t care if I lost my way… as long as it was with me.

Other enticements soon followed– presumably in the event my passion might wane (as if): It kept tabs on all my whereabouts on its calendar. I would find excuses to text, just to feel its willing buttons give in to my commands. Whenever the opportunity arose where we could slip away, it would let me play with its BrickBreaker for hours. Eventually I found myself waking to the gentle cooing of its alarm.

Yeah, you could say I’m one wupped dude. A hopeless case. And when Storm and iPhone commercials come on TV, I reassuringly caress my Curve (sitting on my lap in its cute leather holster) as if to say, “I’m not going anywhere. I LOVE your buttons!” And it would tremble in my hand.

‘Scuse me… Got a call.

Tags: Entries

14 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Chris Bigelow // Jan 8, 2009 at 12:10 am

    I’ve been using my iPhone bareback recently, putting aside that clunky acrylic cover so I can feel her sleekness against my skin.

    Touch screen, arggrrrggrlll. [Homer-esque gargling sound]

  • 2 cheryl // Jan 8, 2009 at 2:53 am

    My hubby has been addicted to his blackberry for years. Quite often I’ll ask him to keep it in the car when we’re on a date –he just can’t help but to “check really quick” for emails/IM’s/Facebook stuff…and not just on our dates –in church, too. It’s actually kind of hilarious in a drives-me-crazy way. Ah, well. I’m used to it.

  • 3 Karron // Jan 8, 2009 at 5:19 am

    snicker . . . . my husband’s company just gave him an iPhone to check out for some sort of security issues. He is in love . . .no doubt. Normally, he hates to carry his phone, but when we were at church this evening doing Cleaning Schedule stuff, he was in a total trance while he communed with this darned phone. I finally left him leaning against the wall in the hallway, touch screen clicking away, and went on about my business without his help. I can see that Valentine’s day will include a new phone for him. . . I bet he would even give up the new digital camera for one – and his camera used to be his baby. Poor thing.

  • 4 queuno // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:57 am

    I steadfastly refuse to replace my broken Blackberry at work (4 years now). I had to give it up for my sanity.

    Nowadays, if I’m going to read email, it’s on my laptop, in the sanctity of the home or office…

  • 5 xoxoxoxo // Jan 8, 2009 at 8:18 am

    David,

    Polyandry is a hot topic these days…and your wife even gifted your new partner into the marriage!! You’re all set for exaltation now!

    Having shared my husband with both a Blackberry bride and an iPhone, I have to tell you…the iPhone wins in every category of “cool” there is. The apps are hilarious and you can’t beat the automatically self- justifying touch screen.

    You see, I loathe turning my own cell phone on and rarely use it unless I’m out and the kids might need to reach me. Which is why I’m somewhat ashamed to confess that if hubby is playing with his iPhone in bed…it almost always leads to a threesome….*g* :P

  • 6 David // Jan 8, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Ah, well… No doubt there are those who prefer the iPhone to the Blackberry, like there are people who actually prefer a Lexus LS to a 1970 Pontiac Firebird or ’71 Dodge Challenger. Some people like yodeling. I can’t speak for them.

    Actually, I did consider the Apple when phone shopping, but the Blackberry won out and I haven’t been sorry.

    For what it’s worth, I’ve also been carrying on a “friends-with-benefits” relationship on the side with my new iPod nano. Just this last weekend I downloaded 209 60′s & 70′s songs onto it and have since been running in pure retro bliss. I know, I’m a slut.

  • 7 Karron // Jan 9, 2009 at 6:03 am

    Guys are SO predictable. If it is shiny, sleek, has buttons, and lights that blink off and on, and does more than it needs to, they can’t keep their hands off it. They drool, their eyes glaze over, and they lose their coordination and walk into things. Weird.

    Now I love my MP3 Player. No Ipod for me, too cheap, but I love the Sansa I have. Holds more music than I would listen to in a week or more. And I listen to music nearly all day long (along with certain talk radio people like Beck and Limbaugh). But our relationship is very much on the friendship level, because I just don’t want to get all that involved.

    Our Crystal is totally into her new phone. Spends hours on it texting. Good thing we have the unlimited plan. She also takes photos, listens to music, and generally tunes the real world out unless she is with her friends. Then all of them carry on a conversation with each other and with others who aren’t there on text messaging. Sort of like a distance conference without the video.

    I like to KISMIF myself. So I go with low tech as much as possible.

    Like the music choice David. Spent today listening to CCR and various other groups from that era. Helped with the energy.

  • 8 David // Jan 9, 2009 at 11:20 pm

    Guys are SO predictable. If it is shiny, sleek, has buttons, and lights that blink off and on, and does more than it needs to, they can’t keep their hands off it. They drool, their eyes glaze over, and they lose their coordination and walk into things.

    Sage advice for Sarah Palin in 2012.

  • 9 David // Jan 9, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    Like the music choice David. Spent today listening to CCR and various other groups from that era. Helped with the energy.

    CCR is on my playlist a few times, as is Deep Purple, Velvet Underground, The Animals… The most rewarding experience has been gaining an appreciation for stuff I didn’t listen to much when it played incessantly on AM radio back in the day– like Gordon Lightfoot, Stylistics and the other bands previously mentioned.

    My next conquest will be classic Country tunes such as (see if these tickle your memory) Funny Face, North to Alaska, Wichita Lineman, Ringo (Lorne Greene), King of the Road… Good stuff.

  • 10 Karron // Jan 10, 2009 at 2:48 am

    I have all that stuff on my MP3 player, and stored on my computer.

    My parents had a C&W band the whole time I was growing up. All of us grew up singing in the band at venues that were kid appropriate. So I know the words to all the old songs even though it’s been years since I joined in with the band. My parents still have a gig almost every weekend.

    I grew up on Loretta Lynn, Patsy Cline, George Jones, Waylon, Willie, and the boys, All the old guys, some who are gone, some who are still out there kicking. Still love country music, really like Gretchen Wilson right now, and Montgomery Gentry and Brooks and Dunn.

    Good stuff Maynerd.

  • 11 xoxoxoxo // Jan 10, 2009 at 7:24 am

    Oh my word you two…one minute you’re talking tech and the next you’re giving me flashbacks to my childhood.

    We had this old stereo that was about the size of a coffin with legs, you know…the old turntable inside it, and when Mom was feeling blue or depressed (which she often was) she’d get up in the middle of the night and put on Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard etc and I’d lay in the dark and listen to those old albums. She’d torture us BEFORE bed by making us watch Hee Haw….lol.

    “They say don’t go…on Wolverton Mountain, if you’re lookin….for a wife….”

    “We fired our guns but the British kep a comin, there wasn’t nye as many as there was a while ago, we fired once more and they began a runnin…on down the Mississippi to the gulf of Mexico….”

  • 12 David // Jan 11, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    Yeah, why don’t they make stereos like that anymore? We had a console where cloth-covered speakers would come out the sides. I’ll bet I lost a dozen little toys that slipped inside the console behind those speakers.

    Yeah, Dad was a total Johnny Cash groupie. We’d love listening to the Folsom Prison album. It wasn’t hard to be aware of the country tunes back then ’cause somehow they would sneak on the AM pop stations– at least in Utah they did.

    I’m a pickin’! And I’m a grinnin’!

  • 13 Karron // Jan 11, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    They don’t make those stereos any longer because we carry them around in our pockets now. How weird is that?

  • 14 xoxoxoxo // Jan 11, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    Karron-And they are smaller than the communicators they used to use on Star Trek!

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