What’s wrong with these kids today?
Happily, in my day we were indestructible. We didn’t need seat belts, air bags, smoke detectors, bottled water or the Heimlich maneuver. We didn’t require child-proof caps on our medicine bottles. We didn’t need helmets when we rode our bikes (just playing cards in our spokes) or pads on our knees and elbows when we went roller-skating. We went out in the morning, played all day and came home when it got dark, and were never interrogated. There were no such things as “play dates” (warning: If your child is over 10, do NOT use the term “play date”!). And on any given Saturday– or any day during summer vacation– when you stepped outside, there were already a hundred kids playing out there. We’d play in the junkyards and have rock fights, gamely treading through broken glass and jagged metal, until someone got hurt, and then we’d go home to take a bath and laid in bed thinking about the next day and doing it all over again. We’d make go karts out of busted shopping carts and careen down neighborhood streets with no brakes. We fell out of trees, broke bones and teeth, blackened eyes and came home with countless cuts and bumps. We got over it. If a parent got angry because their kid got hurt, they’d show up at the door of the offending kid and yell at their parents for awhile, and that was it. No lawsuits, no restraining orders, no vendettas. We didn’t need therapy, we needed spankings.We knew without a written reminder that bleach was not a refreshing drink (although our parents did make us eat huge dollops of Vicks Vap-o-Rub when we got sick) and that gasoline, when exposed to a match, had a tendency to combust. We didn’t worry about what we ate because all food was good for us: sugar gave us energy, red meat made us strong, ice cream was good for the bones and a baked potato (heaped with pure butter, sour cream and Bacos) was chock full of vitamins, especially when you ate the skin. Four kids would drink from the same bottle of Yoo-Hoo and somehow no one died.
Besides just waxing nostalgic and torturing you youngsters with my “walked-5-miles-in-the-snow” stories, I have a concern. Is the new path we’re cutting for our children actually better? Now that kids are expected more these days to remain under parental supervision, given Xboxes and Guitar Heroes and texting cell phones, are we depriving them of opportunities to explore, use their imaginations, create and try things they wouldn’t do in today’s environment? Are we teaching them about liberal legal retribution and a contrived laundry list of everyday fears that rivals our trepidation of the A-bomb? Is our reinvention of upbringing affecting the courses of future mavericks and inventors whose progenitors learned to get their knees bloodied, eyes blackened and do things on their own (and fail, and do them again)?
I read this past week of a new phenomenon called “kid-sickness.” In the days of my youth parents would think nothing of sending their children away to 6-8 week summer camps. Today parents are having it tough being separated from their kids for 2-3 weeks– in fact, a poll showed over two times as many parents were “kid-sick” as kids were homesick. Is this due to the over-involvement and over-structuring of kids’ lives? It’s getting so we’ll have to enroll them in programs for Fundamentals of Using Your Imagination. I’m grateful Miss D. found a love for books and, despite her love for TV, I believe it’s given her a small but significant foothold in saving her imagination. On the other hand, I don’t think her gymnastics and karate and dance classes quite make up for the experience of riding bikes across town to the lake with the jumping cliff, or making up games near the railroad tracks, or getting scraps at the lumber yard and making forts, or just walking to town, passing local shops and familiar landmarks to buy a candy bar and a pop. Instead, she has to be driven to the 7-11 and diligently watched from the car as she gets her goodies, savoring a paltry moment of artificial freedom.
Without question, the most important thing in a child’s upbringing is to learn how to obtain a relationship with Christ and Heavenly Father. But we also came to learn, grow and make mistakes. While there are mistakes galore to be made in a child’s current social structure, are we robbing them of valuable life lessons with our ever-presence?
I told this story before: Miss D. gets a kick out of being dropped off a few blocks shy of our house so she can run the rest of the way. As she sprints down the sidewalk determined to break records, I coast a little behind her following her progress. One time, a couple coming the other way sees this and stops Miss D., asking if she’s okay. Surprised, she breathlessly replies yes, she’s okay, that’s her dad. I guess I should be grateful that there are people out there who care, but at the same time I mourn the world that it’s come to this– following your kid in a car so they can run home.
If my dad tried to do that with me, I’d be the laughing stock of the neighborhood, and I’d have probably been beaten up. But hey, such were the salad days.
10 responses so far ↓
1 Eric Nielson // Jul 28, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Wow. Your childhood sounds familiar. I do miss those days. Yes, I believe we are too protective - by a longshot.
2 Karron // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Afternoon Dave,
Amen . . . to everything you said.
When I was eight, we lived in Germany. I walked to the trolly station, paid for my ticket, rode across Nuremburg to the big department store, and bought a toy, and went home - all on my own. My parents didn’t even blink an eye.
My son, now in his 30’s, used to ride his bike from our home in Fairfax, CA. ten miles to the nearest mall on Saturdays, or up into the mountains for the day all by himself, without cell phone contact. He and his friends built a fort down in the gully by our house, and played war all over the neighborhood. VERY politically incorrect now though.
My thirteen year old granddaughter isn’t allowed to go to the local park five blocks away without taking her cell phone and calling in at least once an hour. Normally, I wouldn’t be so paranoid, but her mother kidnapped her once and it took six weeks to find her.
Anyway, times have changed and danger is more prevalent from a predatory standpoint. Still, we encourage her to explore and be as independent as we can. But it sure isn’t like it was for me in the old days.
3 queuno // Jul 28, 2008 at 11:47 pm
It’s a different era, with different children, and different problems, and different solutions.
Neither is better than the other.
4 conservativeme // Jul 30, 2008 at 3:06 am
As a 21 year old, I can’t fully agree with what you are saying. I understand all the stuff about germs and stuff, but growing up that wasn’t a big deal. Boys will be dirty and unsanitary no matter their cultural upbringing.
But I want to point out something that you have overlooked. The youth today know far more about the Gospel than any previous generation. We are more educated in the doctrines, not just life applications. The vast amount of scientific advancement in recent years regarding unifying theories means that a Freshmen in High School probably understand how intelligences operate and are controlled more than anyone. Curiosity is the greatest thing that youth have, also the worst.
Kids are introduced to almost everything in their world through word-of-mouth, good and bad. It is the parents role (or mentors in my case) to make sure that the child is introduced to the doctrines, that they are introduced to awesome mormon blogs, things like gospelink, how to research the gospel! A child can grow at the rate to which he introduced to stimuli. If he introduced to positive mental imaginations regarding God, the Plan of Salvation and other things he can grow at an extra-ordinary rate. But again, curiosity is key, you must introduce enough curiosity that complacency no longer exists.
I don’t write this post as an expert in any field, but this is the story of my life. I was an “x-box” kid until a wise Seminary teacher decided to get my imagination running wild! I couldn’t get enough! I would learn about something and that would lead to something else! I still have the same attitude. But with every major advancement in my personal conviction or knowledge, it was prompted by a wise elder who showed, not shoved the way.
This is why I chose to go to an LDS University, to learn from some of the best LDS minds out there. (I go to BYU-I, personal note to Kim Clark, in religion classes, there needs to be more lectures! I know that’s boring, but students need to be introduced to knowledge beyond their own.)
The day my seminary teacher gave me a copy of Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, I thought that I had died and started life anew. He said that the stuff inside was deep, but that I was receiving it as a reward for my personal mental/spiritual preparation.
I will forever be thankful for smart adults in my life who strived to introduce me as a youth to the positive, exhilarating world of the Gospel. I challenge everyone to stop viewing the youth as a bunch of pansies, but as the future leaders of the Church, of Government, and most importantly of homes. Take an ACTIVE role in introducing youth to positive, stimulating things!
5 xoxoxo // Jul 30, 2008 at 3:41 am
Things are different in so many ways. But I have to tell you David, life is only as complicated as we allow it to be.
Where we live, there are a ton of kids to play with and we know ALL of our neighbors. My kids go out and play all day after telling me which house they will be at (and that parents ARE home) and if they change locations, they call me or come home to tell me. They do not have cell phones-not even my 13 year old (who thinks we are SO unfair) and he won’t get one until he’s in high school and needs contact to arrange rides/permission to go somewhere. They skateboard and swim and play basketball at the park/playground (both across the street from our house) when they aren’t at a friend’s house, so they orbit around our house all day.
Because we know all each other’s kids, several families allow their older ones to play “night games” or have “late nights” during the summer. The kids range from 10-15 years old, and they play hide-and-seek, or sardines (and even capture the flag!) etc. in a specific cul-de-sac with approved parents keeping an eye on things.
Last summer, before we moved to this house, my 11 and 13 year old sons got a group of neighborhood boys together and they built a “clubhouse” up on the BLM land behind our housing development out of materials they begged off construction site workers. I knew exactly where they were and who they were with at all times, and we watch out for each other’s kids like we do our own.
Of course we have to monitor them more closely than our parents ever had to, and technology helps with that (a lot of our friends have long range walkie talkies for their kids) but my husband and I speak often about the summers we spent as kids and we work hard to give our kids the closest imitation we can.
Yes, we’re blessed, but we chose to settle in a place where our family could have those things. We often wonder out loud how long it will be before these last frontiers are gone, and we make sure our kids KNOW how good they have it. Sure, we sacrifice the excitement of big city living, but in exchange we get warm summer nights where we wave and call out friendly banter to everyone we pass as we walk the dog and then gaze out over the valley lights and the lake and hear nothing but the crickets.
6 xoxoxo // Jul 30, 2008 at 3:48 am
conservativeme,
I have a 20 year old daughter who went to BYU-I last year (and loved it). You sound like quite a young man *eg* and if you ever want a facebook pal…hint hint….oh she’d kill me….*g*
7 Karron // Jul 30, 2008 at 4:26 am
I hear what you are saying conservative me. I wish it were as easy for me to reach my kids as it seems to be to reach you. Maybe as she matures. . .
x0×0x0, we live in the same kind of neighborhood down here. We are 20 minutes from the nearest store or any activity other than what the kids can drum up here. We even have a lake three doors down with swimming etc. But, I still won’t let her go further than the park alone. I do let her go with other kids, but I am very cautious and VERY firm about her calling in. If she forgets, she doesn’t get to go the next time.
Part of that comes from living in big cities all over the world, part of it comes from our personal history. At 13, she doesn’t like to ‘play games’ any longer. If she isn’t on a horse, she is inside reading. NO x-box or anything like it allowed in our house. Only one TV and we all watch together. She hates me, but oh well.
Karron
8 Jim // Jul 30, 2008 at 5:39 pm
I’ve been thinking lately about mistakes I’ve made as a parent, and one is definitely being overly protective. They are 11 and 13 now, and I can see the day rapidly approaching (although still several years away) that they will be leaving the home, and they seem to be getting to the years where it seems like my opportunities to influence them are diminishing.
My children have vastly different interests than I did as a child. My childhood was more similar to what you described. My children rarely play outside or with friends unless someone calls them and invites them to come over, which isn’t very common. They prefer to be home, playing their DS, doing stuff on the computer, or watching TV. Fortunately they are both voracious readers too. But I can’t help but worry that they are missing out on activities and experiences that would enrich their lives. I suppose all we can do is try to expose them to various activities, encourage them where they show some interest or aptitude, and let them make their own choices (with guidance when needed) as much as possible….
9 David // Aug 1, 2008 at 6:21 pm
conservativeme,
Indeed, Master Luke, kids today do know far more about the Gospel and we can thank the enlightened dissemination of doctrinal principles for that, along with the new media platforms that have been introduced in this generation. I appreciate your passion– when I went to college (the U. of U.), I, too, had very passioate religion professors who blew the socks off of us RMs (cocky bunch we were, believing we already knew it all). My entry wasn’t really a critique of the kids today as much as the society in which they’ve arrived. We’ve allowed an evil seed to sprout and flourish in our garden that prevents children from going out and exploring on their own like we did. My concern wasn’t so much with kids’ spiritual welfare as much as it was the denial of physical experiences.
xoxoxoxo,
Things are only as complicated as we allow them to be? Well, we’re moving to the ‘burbs just to make them more uncomplicated, but that doesn’t eradicate the problems of the times. I see on CNN just as many abducted kids from small towns and ‘burbs as I do city kids– it’s heartbreaking! Yes, I envy the area you’ve chosen to live in and its apparent safeness (by the way, my HPG secretary’s going to be in your neck of the woods this weekend– apparently Highland’s got a big hurling whoop-de-doo), but you’re doing well to keep up the vigilance. As will we. Nothing like the feeling of getting out of the city, though, huh?
Jim,
I hear you, brother, we’re in the same boat (especially the part about torturing yourself seeing the kids leaving years before they will).
In regard to experiences, dragging them on hikes and/or camping trips– basically going on outdoor jants– could help mix it up for them. My 12-year old daughter just came back today after being gone 4 weeks with cousins in Utah and Idaho. It was a painful separation for us (and her– she had fun, but was homesick a lot), but she had a lot of carefree rural and wilderness experiences (it was tough for her to leave, too) that will probably help shape her in valuable ways we may not see for years. Like you said, man, you do what you can.
10 xoxoxo // Aug 4, 2008 at 6:12 am
Jim and David,
I think sometimes we “overthink” stuff too. As children, we had no idea what we were “missing out on” did we? We knew what we had and loved doing and we did it. Our kids will probably think THEY grew up in the “salad days”…you know?
Today was my second oldest daughter’s 19th birthday. She “graced us” with her presence (literally-between work and school and her social calendar…we have to be penciled in weeks in advance and we’re all aware she’s here tonight because there are presents and her grandmother’s chocolate cake frosting!) and we bought her a board game that we played as a group. Her and her sister were laughing and doing the “remember when we…” thing and while I understood most of the stories, some were completely foreign to me and I thought of this thread and realized that they loved their lives and had fun and made memories in their own way and era just like every other kid.
My mother told stories about catching snakes and other creatures in the lava fields of Idaho, eating wild strawberries, and sitting on the old coal stove’s oven door on cold mornings while putting on her woolen stockings. She told those stories with a relish I could not understand…until I grew up and looked over my own shoulder to my past.
I suspect our kids will tell stories about Halo 3 tournaments, texting until 2 am, and watching Harry Potter marathons with the same sparkle in their eyes that I saw in my mother’s, and they saw in mine.
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