I had a wonderfully colorful Uncle Jonathan that lived in Queens, NY who liked his cigars, scotch, Nick Carter paperbacks and Esquires. He wore a number of hats over the course of his life (each career capturing his attention momentarily) which followed a non-linear pattern, like an intercontinental ballistic missle that lost its fin. One vocation that stuck out is when he became a non-denominational Christian minister– and when I say “non-denominational,” I mean that in the purest sense of the word. Jonathan answered a mail-order ad: Send $20 and you will receive a certificate of ordination from the Holy Ministry of Something-or-Other. Then armed with his license, he started a “church” that came in the form of a small column in the Religion section of one of the local papers, and put an ad in a small national magazine promising peace or some such nonsense. He also ran a direct mail campaign to drum up devotees. I don’t remember him ever getting rich– he remained in the same small apartment the entire time– but he kept up the calling for a few years until the well ran dry.
Uncle Jonathan was, in my opinion, largely benign by way of priestcrafts, much as a carnival fortune teller would be. Are there degrees of tolerance for priestcrafts? Far from a Nehor, Uncle Jonathan was more like Melvin the Magnificent. I’m not worried about him. He wasn’t trying to lead any sheep astray, he was just trying to turn a buck here and there. And if he comforted a few along the way, good for him.
I’m far more concerned about the priestcrafts in my church. The Saints are in more danger from them than the sophomoric tripe the world dishes out. I worry about delusional members with good intentions, mixing philosophy-and-scripture cocktails in Gospel Essentials for thirsty newbies– hawking celestial new age crap and tired Mormon folklore like they’re tossing out Hershey kisses from heaven. I’m also concerned about Mormon blog commandants who hold court, raise issues, concerns, doubts, perspectives, take positions, reveal perceived inconsistencies, manipulate the tone of the room and ban those who don’t agree with them or rub them the wrong way– maintaining an air of self-appointed doctrinal credibility. I’m concerned about those who put more stock in (not to mention gush over) a history professor’s latest book or Dialogue submission than the most recent First Presidency message. And I wince when I hear there are some who have left the Church and not only have a voice in Mormon blogs, but help direct them and share the power to ban faithful members.
And while we’re on the subject of Mormon blogs, how in the hell can some of these folks practice their religion when they’re spending countless hours writing, reading, researching, responding, refuting and wrangling (and banning) online? Seriously, I’m impressed. Between family, job and church responsibilities, I can barely squeeze a few minutes together to formulate a thought (and I guess it shows, for how measly my blog is– my little equivalent to carving my name in a school desk). Rather than spending all that time kvetching over a plethora of butt-numbing topics (a scant few of which is essential to our salvation) didn’t we come here to accomplish more vital activities? Like, um, going to deseretbook.com and keep refreshing the Temple Cam for an hour?
Other priestcrafts on my list: Sending deacons back to their parents when they’re not wearing white shirts. Teachers who prefer using prepared lessons they find online instead of slugging it out with their manuals and the Spirit. Missionaries using every testimony meeting as an opportunity to lecture member-missionary work. Bishops overriding family requests to have a song in a chapel funeral service because it’s not Church material (it was “Happy Trails”, for Pete’s sake– lighten up!). Ham-handed efforts to call members to repentance when it all boils down to a difference in opinion.
I’d be curious to know what other Saints consider as priestcrafts in the Church. Probably they’d say it’s just insurgents like me.
During my mission in North Carolina (the farmer’s market of religion) my companions and I mused how easy it would be to start a church there, teach the LDS plan of salvation using only the King James Bible, gather a respectable, faithful congregation and then one day announce over the pulpit that “God told me” the Latter-Day Saints church was the true one. Now that would be one impressive priestcraft.
Uncle Jonathan would have liked it, anyway.
12 responses so far ↓
1 anothernonymous // Jul 25, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Loved the post! Don’t have time for a lengthy comment for the same reasons you indicate!
2 Karron // Jul 25, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Afternoon Dave,
I often wonder why people get so put out when someone voices a different opinion. For the reasons you mentioned, I do my best to be busy during Gospel Doctrine because there is always someone who thinks they are the be all end all of knowledge when it comes to the scriptures. And everyone else sits there like lumps afraid to contradict him or her.
Having said that, the one and only real talent I have is teaching the gospel. I often read information on line to add to my weekly handout, and find extra scriptures to back up the manual, but I try not to read word for word what the manual says. That bores the pants right off everyone.
As for blogs, they aren’t practicing their religion, they are too busy making power plays. And those who have left the church, need to leave the church and stop playing devils advocate with members. I don’t do a lot on my blog about religious topics, mainly because I don’t want to deal with the half baked opinions of anti Mormon people who have an ax to grind. After all, they became anti for some reason or another, generally based on the fact that no one would change things to meet their demands. Sad thing that, shows real immaturity.
Thought provoking post. Thanks.
Karron
3 Karron // Jul 25, 2008 at 7:48 pm
OH, PS, I would have loved to have met your Uncle. Sounds like a real hoot.
4 Yet Another John // Jul 28, 2008 at 12:57 am
I always enjoy reading your blog. Much of what you say expresses things I have thought or believed but you put it down so much better than I can.
As an addition to your priestcraft list I would add the multitude of CTR trinkets and things that use the church as a part of a plan for finacial gain. It is one thing to have something that reminds you to choose the right, but another to feel pressured to have to have one to fit in with the crowd. Another would be paid speakers on gospel topics. I think that that practice comes dangerously close to preaching for profit.
5 David // Jul 28, 2008 at 3:16 am
Karron,
I do my best to be busy during Gospel Doctrine because there is always someone who thinks they are the be all end all of knowledge when it comes to the scriptures. And everyone else sits there like lumps afraid to contradict him or her.
We have one of those in our Gospel Doctrine class. He uses a Spence Kinard voice when he contributes his thoughts– you know, imposingly bassy yet straining with spiritual reflection: An LDS Charlton Heston. I could listen to him reading from the instructions of a feminine hygience product, he’s so good. That said, I try to avoid listening to what he’s saying ’cause he tends to greatly marvel over the most obvious points: You know, when we sin we’re not just hurting the Lord… we’re also hurting ourselves. Damn– he’s right!
And those who have left the church, need to leave the church and stop playing devils advocate with members… After all, they became anti for some reason or another, generally based on the fact that no one would change things to meet their demands.
Nicely said. I always say, if you don’t like the club’s rules, leave. I also say I’d never join a club that would have me for a member, but I think that’s getting off the point.
YA John,
As an addition to your priestcraft list I would add the multitude of CTR trinkets and things that use the church as a part of a plan for finacial gain.
And didn’t I fill just a tad silly today wearing my LDS necktie with Moronis and temples in the diamonds? It was a gift from my born again sister. Support or mockery? The jury’s still out.
6 Karron // Jul 28, 2008 at 3:48 am
*I* like those neckties! And I have not one but three different CTR rings that were given to me by various seminary students over the years. Yes, I wear one every day. Silly, but I like them.
I have one more grump. Why is it that instead of talking about, or teaching about a precept in Sacrament, some people have to get up and preach in a negative way. As in, YOU ARE A SINNER . . . because . . . quote scripture . . . and YOU aren’t living the gospel if you don’t . . . fill in the blank. Grrrrr…..
7 xoxoxo // Jul 28, 2008 at 4:10 am
Dave-you know this is my favorite topic. *eg* You did well grasshoppah…
As with all things, the Lord looketh on the heart, and as long as God knows what is in my heart, I couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks. For example, I love CTR rings, but I don’t have one…still looking for the “perfect” one. I’ve never felt “pressured” to wear one or not, never looked at those who wear them as club members from whom I am left out. I think the T-Shirts that say “The stripling warriors were momma’s boys” are hilarious, but I’ve never bought one. I think they are clever and think that I’d rather have my son wearing one of those than a Marilyn Manson shirt any day, but I have no need to influence his clothing choices…yet. Anyone who thinks that the creators of LDS brick-a-brack are making any kind of serious money is also hilarious.
(But I’m also one to laugh out loud when I hear the ‘Big Butter Jesus’ song because I think God has a sense of humor too and probably finds it amusing too. )
Sadly my friend, those who be priestcrafters of the worst sort are most often completely oblivious to their craftiness, or in complete denial about it. Nothing short of a thunderbolt is likely to get their attention either, so I just smile and wave boys…smile and wave.
8 xoxoxo // Jul 28, 2008 at 4:11 am
Ok…and for the record…the photo choice for this blurb is CREEPING ME OUT….*shudder* ewwwwww
9 David // Jul 28, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Sadly my friend, those who be priestcrafters of the worst sort are most often completely oblivious to their craftiness, or in complete denial about it.
No doubt about it. And for the most part, they only induce compulsive eye-rolling and bouts of imitation-popcorn-butter-and-Junior-Mints nausea. But when they are placed in positions of power, that’s when going to church stops being fun.
Ok…and for the record…the photo choice for this blurb is CREEPING ME OUT….*shudder* ewwwwww
Really?? I thought it was funny. If you look closely enough you can see the guy on the left’s nametag says, “HELLO! My Name Is: Lucifer”.
No, not really.
10 xoxoxo // Jul 30, 2008 at 3:50 am
“No, not really”.
You dorkfish…I ALMOST checked! lol
The creepout factor-one is bad enough…but we simply cannot have them hanging out together! *g*
11 noray // Aug 4, 2008 at 10:34 pm
This one is not amusing: Starting every branch council meeting with the direction that “we all want to get out of here so lets make this as short as possible”. Since the BC never meets long enough to actually do anything, the BPresidency pretty much does as it pleases.
12 J. Stapley // Aug 5, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I used to give a certain bureaucracy within the church a hard time for being paid to teach the gospel…but I recently got called to teach seminary. Now, I won’t get paid, but I have tempered my thoughts.
I’m interested in your views on Mormon blog moderation. I don’t know anybody that has left the church and blogs at any of the regular Mormon blogs (then again, I don’t follow all of the blogs either - it would take an army).
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