At my age I don’t concern myself much with being or appearing cool anymore, especially since I never really was. Even in college when everyone was sporting Flock of Seagulls hair and wearing two layers of Izod shirts– one collar up, one down– I was the guy with the short, parted Hitler Youth do and comfy, utilitarian overalls. White & Nerdy? Damn right. It was usually my un-PC humor that kept me on the fringes of the circle.
That said, it still rankles when evidence of my uncoolness comes to light, especially in social situations. For example, my new HPG secretary– who is only a few years younger than me– is a nationally-ranked hurling champion and benchpresser. BIG guy, soft-spoken, comfortable, the kind of guy you want to sit around the campfire with, hearing stories. The second counselor of the EQ, meanwhile, is a new convert: Impish, overly-confident guy, a TV cameraman who covers events like the Oscar parties and, most recently, the ESPYs (”bunch of beautiful, cut women in skimpy dresses and not a smile in the bunch”). Anyway, last night my secretary and I are going over home teaching assignments when the EQ guy comes in and the two start bantering, and I find myself again on the sidelines, in awe of The Cool. Finally, when the counselor says he’s going to let us get back to work with the admonition to “Save Our Ward!”, I spontaneously pipe up with, “It’s more like a couple of Dutch boys keeping their fingers in the dike.” Then comes the timeless deer-in-headlights silence. And then we all burst out laughing. See? Uncool, but manages to save a spot at the table. Some things never change.
So in light of my status, it’s with cessation and chagrin that I openly admit I’m currently reading– and am thoroughly into– Stephenie Meyer’s first vampire book, Twilight. Let me quickly interject, there is a good reason for this, and, no, it’s not my habit to pick up teen chick lit and, no, I haven’t had a chance to start The Clique series yet. Miss D. bought the novel at her school’s book fair when Stephenie Meyer fever hit her Young Women’s group, but after reading 50 pages D. shelved it, announcing, “I’m not ready for this stuff.” This piqued my radar enough that I picked the book up myself with the intent of determining what she meant by that. Exactly what kind of nocturnal smut was this so-called sister churning out, anyway?? But spank me hard and put me to bed, ’cause despite (or because) of the sophomoric teen-fantasy formula I was immediately pulled in (Oh Bella, I think, no one gets you, but Edward and I do). The (hack) writer in me can’t help but admire the work– in regards to speaking to its audience and sustaining momentum, it’s very good.
So good, in fact, it prompted me to google Twilight trailers for the upcoming movie that are floating about. I like who they picked for Bella (she reminds me of the doll in Lars & the Real Girl), but I didn’t care for Edward. Why is “pale death-camp emaciation” such a popular look? I look at Kate Moss and reflexively dig in my pockets for a cookie. Even the trees in the movie look emo. Of course I’ll let Miss D. make me take her anyway.
And speaking of cool, I may be a tad prejudiced, but I thought it was way cool of my daughter to actually say she “wasn’t ready” for the book instead of “I didn’t like it” or “it’s full of all that icky boy stuff”. She read it, understood it, determined she needed to wait a year or two. Seriously, how cool is that? Very cool.
You know, she gets it from her old man.
Now if you’ll excuse me, “House Hunters” is coming on HGTV.
8 responses so far ↓
1 Christopher Bigelow // Jul 18, 2008 at 12:03 am
Hey, my little Mormon publishing company just pubbed a Mormon-vampire book meant for adults. Would you be interested in reviewing it on your blog and Amazon.com (plus anywhere else you see fit) if I send you a copy? Let me know at chrisbigelow at gmail-plus-duh. Here are some blurbs from advance reviewers to help you determine if this book would interest you or not:
In melding the vampire genre with Mormon literary fiction, Eugene Woodbury has created a hybrid that is startling, fresh, insightful, and heartbreaking.
What’s remarkable about Angel Falling Softly isn’t just that Woodbury does something new with vampire themes or that he provides a complex, touching portrait of a Mormon mother desperately trying to save her terminally ill child. It’s that he weaves these elements together with well-deployed literary allusions and quotations (often Biblical) that add substance to the questions raised about belief, redemption, desire, sin and death.
The novel is insistently literary while being solidly genre-based. What most amazed me is that he pulls it all off without violating the supernatural and metaphysical boundaries of Mormonism or of the vampire genre. He plays the two worlds against each other in a way that maximizes reading pleasure and says something new about the Mormon experience.
—William Morris, founder of the literary blog A Motley Vision: Mormon Arts and Culture
What if I told you that one of the best Mormon novels ever written is a vampire story? Angel Falling Softly is proof positive that Mormon fiction is not dead. And even if it was, Woodbury has called it from its grave, bestowed it with immortality, and given it a mighty fine set of literary fangs.
—Stephen Carter, Sunstone magazine editor
This tale of two women—one a vampire, the other a bishop’s wife—is more than a good read. It is a provocative meditation on life and death that will leave readers both satisfied and unnerved. It kept me reading, and it kept me guessing.
—Angela Hallstrom, author of the novel Bound on Earth
Woodbury captures human relationships with realism and depth of feeling. He also paints a warm and homey portrait of Utah Mormon culture as seen from a sophisticated worldly perspective. All this is woven into a suspense-filled tale of a dangerous friendship as two women—born lifetimes apart—find the desperate courage to bet it all.
—C. L. Hanson, blogger and novelist
This isn’t just a vampire story. It’s a character study of the things Latter-day Saints might do when pushed into a corner with no apparent way out. The theme of the entire book can be summed up in one line: “Christians claim to believe in eternal life. So why are you so afraid of death?” Woodbury does nothing the easy or expected way in this story. There are a lot of questions and almost no answers—and I liked that. More, please.
—Moriah Jovan, novelist
2 xoxoxo // Jul 18, 2008 at 1:13 am
Dave, Dave, Dave…where do I start?
We could have formed our own School Lunch Club…you as the nerdy white kid in overalls, me in my Cindy Lauper boots singing Yaz on the bus.
Where I come from, all being an internationally ranked hurler is, is someone who can’t hold their liquor so it’s nothing you need to be aspirin’ to ya know?
And I’m not convinced that it was your ‘uncoolness’ that caused the faux pause with the EQ guy…I just think where you live in today’s world, it’s just very un-”PC” to use the words “Dutch boys”, fingers and “dikes” in the same sentence…if you get my drift…
Next up-I also got handed Twilight by my daughter and I too sucked it down like Edward at a cattle ranch. Ditto the comments about not liking who they picked…my first thought was “Phhhhffft…he’s just SO wrong for the role”. He’s supposed to look thin, I mean he IS a vegan vampire…but I’m sorry no…the person they chose is NOT my Edward. *sniff* Ol Steph is really gifted, and I envy you…I had to wait MONTHS between books. Cudos to the kiddo for assessing that she wasn’t “ready” for it. (But then again she’s probably not ready to hear her dad say “spank me and put me to bed” either. snort)
Too bad you don’t live closer, we could get the rest of the gang from St. Elmo’s together to watch Design on a Dime. *g*
3 David // Jul 18, 2008 at 4:13 pm
xoxoxoxo,
We could have formed our own School Lunch Club…you as the nerdy white kid in overalls, me in my Cindy Lauper boots singing Yaz on the bus.
Yeah, it sounds like we’d mesh. Fiefdoms in the cafeteria and library, a daily dose of irreverent humor and social commentary. BTW, I’ve got a pair of black steel-toe Wolverines Miss D. calls my “Green Day boots.” And this nerdy kid’s still got his overalls– Pointer is my brand of choice these days.
Where I come from, all being an internationally ranked hurler is, is someone who can’t hold their liquor so it’s nothing you need to be aspirin’ to ya know?
I was just using the hurling prop to help illustrate the guy’s “man’s man” persona. He reminds me alot of my brother-in-law: a big, gentle bear. But damn it, if he’s drinking he’s not sharing.
And I’m not convinced that it was your ‘uncoolness’ that caused the faux pause with the EQ guy…I just think where you live in today’s world, it’s just very un-”PC” to use the words “Dutch boys”, fingers and “dikes” in the same sentence…if you get my drift…
Um, yeah… hence the eruption of laughter.
I’m sorry no…the person they chose is NOT my Edward. *sniff*
Yeah, without even peeking I’m sure the blogs are on fire with righteous indignation, and I feel for the movie makers. With this kind of holy following, anyone they cast they’re going to piss someone off. “Vegan vampire”? Since when are bears and mountain lions vegetables? And if you look at the rest of the coven– Emmett, Alice, etc.– they look well-nourished enough. On the other hand, they cast Victor from “Corpse Bride” to play Edward.
Too bad you don’t live closer, we could get the rest of the gang from St. Elmo’s together to watch Design on a Dime. *g*
Oh, thanks. Now I’ve got the St. Elmo’s Fire theme stuck in my head…
I can see a new horizon underneath the blazin’ sky
I’ll be where the eagle’s flyin’ higher and higher…
4 Karron // Jul 18, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Cool is in the eye of the beholder. But, having said that, I am still the geeky girl who used to sit in the back of the room with my nose in a book, hoping no one would notice me.
Now, with a 13 year old daughter who wants to dress like the characters from Twilight, I am absolutely NOT cool. Sigh . . .and she used to think I was when she was a little girl.
Kudos on your daughter making a wise choice. Good parent stuff there.
Karron
5 David // Jul 18, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Karron,
You’re absolutely right, cool is in the eye of the beholder– and though I believe there were, and are, cool things about me (as I suspect we all do– about us, not me), they’re just not Ferris Bueller cool– or Lt. Kilgore cool (for you Apocalypse Now fans). It’s a talent that comes to those foreordained like counting cards or picking stocks would. And, frankly, at this stage of my life I wish I could do those things more than being cool.
You know, if my 12-year old wanted to dress like the cast of Twilight, I’d have no problem with it. That is, unless she wanted to leave the house.
6 Karron // Jul 19, 2008 at 3:26 am
LOL . .. then your Miss D hasn’t reached the “I HATE you stage” and you are still her hero. I just wrote on my blog about shopping with a 13 year old girl. . . vast vexing day. http://karron.wordpress.com/
Crystal is actually my granddaughter, so I am older than dirt and twice as boring. We’ve raised her since she was a year old, after her father’s death. I guess an old hippie like me is playing double standards. But in today’s age, a parent has to be vigilant - so sue me for being a double standard.
BTW the coolest person I ever met never realized he was cool. Now he is a grandpa, and the kids still think he is the coolest thing ever. Some people just have that charisma. sigh . . .
7 xoxoxo // Jul 24, 2008 at 12:52 am
*whispers to Karron*
“I hope she skips right over the I HATE you stage, I’m not sure his poor tender heart could take it”.
8 Karron // Jul 24, 2008 at 2:53 am
Yeah, xoxoxo, it is surely a heart breaker for a dad to have his baby girl get all snarky and female. My husband still isn’t over the shock of it.
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