Ah, the shadows and light of the spiritual experience.
Last night I came home full of the bliss of Elysium, all aglow from a new Temple Prep course I started: A young couple and two single men, stocked with questions and challenges to the incredible doctrines of the Plan of Salvation. I felt Father with me as I haven’t in a long time, as I carefully answered, taught, testified. One of the single brothers is a categorical golden boy. Ever since he joined, it’s all we can do to keep up with his hunger for the Gospel. But he doesn’t take anything at face value– he has to question, to understand. The wife of another brother also just had her one-year membership anniversary, but she’s more wary of the temple experience. I had to firmly reassure her she could come learn without obligation. She also interrogates, but not as an antagonist, as a seeker. I love these people and felt the edifying rush of confirmation as I taught. A couple of hours later, the spiritual high melted into a murky funk– a post-metaphysical condition I’m too acquainted with, but never get used to. It’s like the bully waiting for the adults to leave, then when the coast is clear, preys upon the defenseless kid. It’s all worth it, though, isn’t it?
Los Angeles is not an easy town to live in. The cost-of-living is obscene, the schools can be rough, helicopters bathe the neighborhoods with spotlight looking for perps, and the freeways resemble scenes from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. Debauched subcultures thrive here, alternative lifestylers find the soil rich, and kids learn sooner than later about how fashions define you and make friends with two mommies or daddies. Therefore, the vigilance of sheltering one’s own child is necessarily more intense.
The other side of the coin: We have beaches. We have Hollywood and celebrities (even celebrity coroners– hit me, baby). We have warm, sunny weather most of the year. We have Disneyland (and a whole myriad of subcultures there, too) and Universal Studios. And we have more beaches.
Los Angeles makes life interesting. Case in point– our little family decided to mosey over to Western Bagel Saturday morning for breakfast. It was a beautiful, warm, sunshiny day and we felt like just getting out. As we approached the counter, my daughter was chattering away in her munchkin voice about ballet costumes and “getting to point,” etc., when the woman being helped turned and smiled warmly at her. Realizing she had an extra audience, Miss D. turned sheepish and the woman– who had a little girl, herself– paid for her bagels and left. It was cool. It was a Hollywood moment. Omigosh!– It was Jennifer Aniston.
I came to Los Angeles in 1986 at the behest of a girlfriend who lived here. I just graduated from the U. and she convinced me I could make a name as a writer here (oh brother). The day I arrived I tried sushi for the first time, and it was instant, salacious love (the fish stayed– the girl left). It wasn’t long before I learned how hard the city could be, however, and I wanted to return to Utah in the worst way–where my friends were, where everyone knew my name! But every time I started to mentally head in that direction, another writing opportunity came up, so I stayed a little longer… and a little longer. Then I met my wife, and she wasn’t crazy about living in the shadows of the Everlasting Hills, and then came more writing projects, and then we had Miss D. and she doesn’t want to leave ’cause she’s “the cousin that lives in Los Angeles.” I think it’s safe to say that, after 22 years, I’m staying– love it, hate it, I’m here.
That doesn’t stop the little plugs for relocation from crossing my mind. We could get so much more house for the buck somewhere else. Commuting could be exponentially more leisurable, neighborhoods safer and friendlier. On the other hand…
One thing the General Authorities tell us which I don’t agree with– and I’m not about to fast & pray to get a witness for– is that wherever you go the wards are the same. SO not true. And this significant fact is just enough influence to ebb my desire for Utah. I love my ward. It’s artistic, it’s urbane, it’s hip, half of its members work in the entertainment industry (which adds a cool twist to the mix). Our bishop jokes it’s the only ward he knows that arranges its meeting schedules around the Oscars. It’s more socially accepting of “different” people and doesn’t get hung up on things like blue shirts on sacrament-passing deacons and what hand to take the bread with. And there’s a certain degree of metropolitan sophistry that I greatly appreciate. Also, it’s extremely active in community projects like the Interfaith Food Pantry, local health fairs and service at the homeless shelters (this Thursday, for example, we’re serving them brisket, mashed potatoes and gravy– I should eat so well).
Most of the Wasatch Front wards I’ve been to are pretty white-bread & homogenized (a couple Orem wards are downright fascist), and the Las Vegas wards are pretty similar. The exception for me was an Avenues ward on “G” Street: Again, a great, quirky bunch of people, and the meetinghouse was one of those great old relics (stained glass, zig-zaggy halls) that pre-dated the standardization of ward architecture. That’s one church I’d go back to in a heartbeat if I knew it would be the same (as things seldom are).
I’m sure most of you reading this love your wards, too, and I don’t mean to offend. I guess it’s what you’re looking for– what touches you– that works. For all I know, other Southern California wards are more like Salt Lake wards than mine. But I will state that there is a significant difference between the Southern California Mormon and the Utah Mormon, something beyond my capacity to nail in words (but doesn’t stop me from trying). SoCals are certainly more comfortable. I don’t think you’d find as big a percentage of clinically depressed members out here as you would there. We’re not as worried about who might see us going into that “R”-rated movie or if our family is like the Jorgensons we read about in the Ensign, or the perfect family next door. Is it because all their neighbors are members, and everywhere they go they’re surrounded by the faithful? Is it because of the close proximity to Church headquarters? Is it because the local newspapers, the TV, the office gab, the bookstores, all contain reminders that you’re in Zion and you better watch your back, Jack? Is it the climate, the altitude, the simple, close-knit agrarian heritage? Is it the prevailing mentality that affluence equates righteousness? When I lived in Utah I heard how the California Mormons and Utah Mormon at BYU hung around their own kinds, and the Californians were reputed “partyers.” If that isn’t evidence of what I’m talking about… They’re not partyers, they’re just not uptight.
I guess rationalizing my existence in Los Angeles is a frivolous exercise– It is what it is. If I sought a greener pasture elsewhere, I’d only discover the green relocated to LA the second I moved away.
18 responses so far ↓
1 xoxoxoxo // Mar 10, 2008 at 4:31 pm
I think there is much to be said for faithful LDS members such as yourself STAYING in California rather than opting to come back to Utah where you could have more house and “safer” neighborhoods.
1-The more “cool” California people who move here, the more UNcool we look in comparison. (Which is probably the cause of all our depression in the first place)
2-If you moved here, I couldn’t say that “I know someone who hangs out with Jennifer Aniston” now could I?
3-The homeless here would stop migrating to California to get brisket and die of exposure during the winter.
On the other hand, there are other reasons why moving to Utah could also be a good thing, for example being a breath of fresh air in wards that haven’t opened the windows for years.
I have no doubt that there are Utah wards like the ones you describe still in existence, but we’ve been lucky enough NOT to live in any of them. I’d also argue that in wards like that, they usually equate affluence with wickedness rather than righteousness and the bigger your house is, the more you love money. Luckily, that mentality seems to be dying with the generation that fostered it and as younger couples begin to dominate the population-the more accepting, relaxed, and quirky the wards seem be growing.
Oh, and one last thing. L.A. does not have what qualifies as “beaches” in my opinion. It has SAND covered with oily, half naked, future cancer patients. Bodega Bay has beaches. Washington State has BEACHES. You know, the kind where the Park Rangers force you to leave when a storm is coming in and the raw (natural) beauty can mesmerize for hours.
:-P
2 David // Mar 10, 2008 at 8:09 pm
xoxoxoxo,
I’d also argue that in wards like that, they usually equate affluence with wickedness rather than righteousness and the bigger your house is, the more you love money.
Perhaps in West Jordan or North Bountiful. I just know (on a very personal level) families who attend wards where the opposite is true– at least in their cliques– where their ski lodge-size homes and water sport toys and mountain cabins were bestowed upon them because of their faithful living. Would they actually come out and say that? Of course not. Is it inferred? Absolutely.
Oh, and one last thing. L.A. does not have what qualifies as “beaches” in my opinion. It has SAND covered with oily, half naked, future cancer patients.
Okay, I’m not sure how specific you think I’m being when I say LA, but I’m thinking more like Zuma Beach, home of Gidget and the Statue of Liberty scene from Planet of the Apes: “You maniacs! You blew it up! Aww, damn you! Damn you all to hell!!”. Certainly not Santa Monica, the home of the other tarheels and discarded hypodermics. Bodega Bay, while lovely and of good report, is frankly for the birds (see what I did just then?).
3 AdamF // Mar 10, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Hi-I came across your blog from Mormon Matters… I’ve read a few posts and enjoy your writing.
I hated driving in L.A. (during spring break a few years ago), and the pollution was awful, but otherwise it was nice. Interesting comparisons with Happy Valley.
It would be nice to be in a place where I could talk about a movie like No Country without things getting weird.
4 Diana // Mar 10, 2008 at 9:16 pm
I grew up in Simi Valley. Now I live with my husband/kids in Lehi, Utah County, Utah. We’ve lived here under a year. My “home ward” in Simi houses the hugest dorks on the planet. The church here in Lehi, in our short experience, has been out of this world. There’s actually organization and friendliness. People know what they’re supposed to do and they do it. They show up. They care. They’re kind. We will be moving shortly to Texas due to my husband’s work, but I doubt we will ever find a ward again that has its crap together like these good folks do. And believe me, I’m a total L.A. snob. I love it there and miss it tons and tons.
5 David // Mar 11, 2008 at 12:36 am
Adam (#3)– Ha! Yeah, you even have to be careful about delving into No Country in my ward, but there are enough “entertainment types” to make it feasible. BTW, it comes out on DVD tomorrow (3/11)!! Hey, thanks for the kind words and please stop by again.
6 xoxoxoxo // Mar 11, 2008 at 12:48 am
“their ski lodge-size homes and water sport toys and mountain cabins were bestowed upon them because of their faithful living.”
More like their fanatical network marketing tactics. LOL!! Most of the saints I know in Utah believe that if a house classifies for it’s own zip code it’s owners need a priority adjustment. (As they well should)
My own sister thinks that I am a snob because none of the homes I’ve lived in have ever been “mobile”. I honestly dread the first time she comes to visit in our new house because of the stink she’ll make about it, but I can tell you that everything we have has been a gift/blessing from God whether our righteousness is a factor in His generosity or not.
“The birds”…..har har har. Indeed it is, and the old school house looks fabulous today too. We took the kids there for a week last year and we are all pining to return again. Even though it was a tad chilly most of the time, we were perfectly enchanted by the tiny town and it’s flavor.
Diana,
Three cheers for Lehi! (I live in Eagle Mountain) Aren’t the people here just down to earth, nice, funny, and REAL? We have been blown away by the Scouting program, youth programs, and leadership that we have experienced in both wards we’ve lived in here. Our old stake even pulled off Road Shows last year and the turn out of both kids and parents was astonishing.
I helped chaperon a trip with 300 Lehi High School Band and Choir kids 3 years ago to Washington D.C. and those kids were awesome! We had a blast and absolutely ZERO problems with them-no drugs, no curfew breaches, no boys in girls rooms etc, and we even lost a group of them downtown (they got on the wrong subway) and they figured out how to find the group again all on their own. I’m sad to hear you will be leaving so soon, but my husband is from Texas (Houston) and its not so bad.
7 David // Mar 11, 2008 at 1:27 am
Diana (#4)– Isn’t it great when you fall in love with your ward? But your point is well taken. I used to visit the Sylmar Ward as a stake rep and found it to be in a whole different universe. Also our friends’ ward in Laguna Beach is totally Aryan. I’m sorry to hear you’re moving away from your beloved ward. I hope you find new pleasures in TX.
8 Jonathan Mahoney // Mar 11, 2008 at 2:46 am
Sounds like good times. I should be down in LA this summer and I’m pumped to meet the members there.
It’s always nice to go to a new ward in my opinion. While I agree that all wards/branches have their differences, I believe that in essence they’re the same. I’ve been to a number of branches and wards around the world and I’ve always felt a welcoming spirit so far. Good times for sure.
9 David // Mar 11, 2008 at 4:10 am
Jonathan,
What’s bringing you to Los Angeles? Is this where your mission is?
10 Jim // Mar 12, 2008 at 6:28 pm
David,
Wow- what a great calling that must be! I’m curious- are your classes during the three-hour block? Maybe you spelled that out and I missed it. How great it must be to help prepare people for making such sacred and critical covenants. It must be similar in ways to teaching investigators, but even better as those in your class will have already made covenants and are desiring more.
About California and Utah, having lived in both states as I know you have, my experience has been somewhat different. Obviously there are cultural differences, but for me these differences exist much more outside of the church than within. Of course you find all types wherever you go. And I think to get a true flavor for something you have to stick around a while.
I loved certain aspects of living in California, and I love many things about living here in Lehi, Utah. I don’t doubt that they don’t exist, but the negative things you describe about Utah I have not personally experienced.
11 xoxoxoxo // Mar 13, 2008 at 7:42 am
Ok…it is just me or does it seem odd that the majority of David’s “fan club” is from Lehi Utah? *g*
12 David // Mar 13, 2008 at 2:22 pm
xoxoxoxo,
The same thing crossed my mind. I decided you’re either all the same person taking on different personae to make me feel better or I’m corresponding with a FLDS cult that’s gradually trying to assimilate me.
13 xoxoxoxo // Mar 13, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Resistance is futile….muhuhahahah
It would be slightly psychotic for one person to make up different nicknames and post just to make you feel better. It would be completely insane for that same person to be writing two blogs to cover their tracks and be contemplating a third.
No offense, but I don’t think anyone here has that kind of time, OR thinks you suffer from a lack of self esteem!
14 David // Mar 13, 2008 at 5:58 pm
That’s true. In Lehi they’re too busy hosing down the cows in the driveway and selling buffalo jerky on the street corners. Silly me.
15 Jonathan Mahoney // Mar 13, 2008 at 9:29 pm
I’m going to be selling security systems door to door my brother.
Judging by your posts, I predict you might have a little rant about that, but it is to save money for my mission. 
Don’t shoot.
16 xoxoxoxo // Mar 14, 2008 at 1:16 am
Um…like dude…it’s like waaaaaaaaay too cold to hose down anything and besides, you can’t own cows near the golf course…duhhhhh. And like, buffalo jerky is sooooooooooooo last year.
17 David // Mar 14, 2008 at 9:39 pm
xoxoxoxo,
My bad. It’s the Year of the Rat, isn’t it? So what kind of jerky are they selling in Lehi these days?
Golf course, huh? There’s a sport I’m glad I put behind me.
18 Brenda // Mar 17, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Tomorrow is my 19th wedding anniversary. My husband and I have been in the same home for 17 years, but two different wards due to boundary reorganizations in our stake. As I sit in my meetings, where the classes are wonderful I think about how much I love these people. Times when I feel lonely, I realize are my problem. Mainly because I work outside the home and life is busy. However, I enjoy visiting many different wards and have always enjoyed it when I visited your ward. I love being able to go anywhere in the Church and enjoy that feeling. Yes, things are different, but one is able to share one’s Testimony with those who have the same beliefs. I love it! I love reading your blog and am glad to catch up. Thanks for your talents and sharing your wonderful writing and thoughts with me.
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