Rough Stone Rolling

A favorite quote of mine– attributed to a few different people, but I preferred hearing it from Woody Allen– goes, “I’d never belong to a club that would have me for a member.” This is what I think of when I think of Mormons and Christianity. Not the LDS Church in respect to the hierarchy or corporation, but rather its congregation. We are the true church, restored by the Lord Himself, holding all the keys and powers of God on the earth. Yet it irks us when others say we’re not numbered among the Christians. What?? How can we not be? It’s in our name, see? We are one of you– we are, we are, we are!! I get the feeling that if our faith was insistently embraced by the other religions as one of them, we’d just smile and say, “okay, but not really.” We want it both ways, like the brainy girl who’s glad she’s not in the popular clique but wishes they would like her. Whether individually or as a membership, we should decide what we want. What we should not do is get defensive about who we are. Perhaps we should not even try to define ourselves. “Non-traditional Christians” is how Orson Scott Card monikered us. I’m not sure I like that. It’s that whole “Jews for Jesus” thing.

Just coming out of Christmas shock, I’m already feeling the beginnings of the post-Christmas funk, and it’s not even New Year’s. I think a lot of it has to do with our not going anywhere this year. I worked the day before Christmas and I worked the day after, so the magic of family & togetherness didn’t stick around that long. I like to turn to GA messages when I need a talking to. Prayer’s great for comfort & enlightenment, but for the pep talk I go to the general conferences or an Ensign. I particularly like Neal A.Maxwell; he knows how to spin perspective. In a 1999 article he talked about handling trials (“Enduring Well”) and then illustrated how the Savior dealt with His. it’s like, “Ho! You think you’ve got trials?? I’ll show you trials!” This excerpt says it all:

When suffering and burdened Jesus entered Gethsemane, He “fell on the ground” (Mark 14:35). He did not merely kneel down, pray intensely and briefly, and leave. His agonies were so great that He began to bleed at every one of thousands of His pores (see D&C 19:18). An angel, whose identity we do not know, came to strengthen Him (see Luke 22:43). Mark wrote that Jesus became “sore amazed” and “very heavy” (Mark 14:33), meaning in the Greek, respectively, “astonished and awestruck” and “depressed and dejected.” None of us can tell Christ anything about depression!

I’d say I need to forestall any plans for self-pity and just row the boat.

I’ve been asked to give a talk about my conversion on Missionary Sunday. I feel like I’ve told that story a thousand times. I believe most of this congregation haven’t heard it yet, but the real trick will be not to make it sound like a tired, scripted account. And, oh, the joy I felt… and, uh… joy, yes… lots of joy… Believe me, I’m not mocking my conversion, but haven’t you ever felt like you shared something precious one too many times, and it feels a little like you’re depreciating it? There I was… I know that experience was given to me to share. As long as I don’t have to enjoy it.

Still savoring Sergeant Nibley, Ph.D. I’m surprised by how many soldiers committed suicide. Nibley felt they couldn’t deal with killing others or handle the stress of battle. That explains a lot regarding my dad’s nightmares. He used to wake up crying out, and later told my mom he dreamed of the faces of men he killed. I can’t imagine. I’m glad I never went to war. A former boss of mine, a biker, was a Vietnam vet. I don’t know if it was bravado, but he’d just shrug and say, ‘We shot at the bushes and the bushes shot back”– totally deadpan. Maybe it’s because he was spared of personalizing his kills. Although, I do hear that war binds men together like nothing else; it’s a shared intimacy no other life experience can replicate. Ask me, being forced to climb the rope in the 7th grade comes close.