A friend, the son of a former temple president, once shared something with me his father suggested to him, and I still mull over the implications. He said, “You know how before we came to this earth, we were all brothers and sisters, children of our Heavenly Father?” Uh-huh. “We were brothers and sisters to our parents, grandparents, our kids…” Right. “Well, once our missions on earth are over and we go back, do you really think that dynamic has changed? That suddenly we’re parents and children to our brothers and sisters?” Um… I don’t know. “Well, this isn’t official, but… doesn’t it make sense that once we go back, remembering everything, we’ll be brothers and sisters like before?” What about families are forever? “Let’s put it this way: In this earth life we need each other to get back as close to Heavenly Father as we can– you can’t get there alone. But when you die, it’s going to be just you and the Lord there when you’re looking at your life.” Okay… “I don’t know. Just don’t be surprised if you’re still close to your parents and ancestors and children, but that the family structure you understand here might not be the same anymore there.”
Every once in a while, a curve ball like that whizzes past me and makes me stop and think. Do I believe what he told me? I know him well enough to believe that’s what his father told him, and I believe if his father’s dwelling on it, there might be something to it. Does it affect my testimony? Not detrimentally. Does it change my opinion of the Plan of Salvation? A little, but not in such a way that it alters my behavior or direction. When my friend first told this to me it was almost as if my perception was re-focused to a stronger clarity. I’m not saying I had a revelation, but I felt “empowered” and that feeling strengthened my testimony.
This is what the Gospel does to me. Not often enough for my liking, and not causing me to go off into evangelical calisthenics (see “chicken dance“). But it provides me every once in a while with a little surprise that edifies me and reaffirms my loyalty.
At the same time, I get humbled. I took my new calling out for a spin this past week by suggesting some changes in the way certain things were handled, and I was gently slapped down and reminded that others with far more wisdom & experience put those things together before I showed up. Of course they were right, I let my ego take charge. But then they did have the class to add, “But that’s good, you’re already thinking about how to make things happen.” Telemarketers call that technique the “Kick/Kiss”: “That’s the most stupid thing I ever heard, Mr. Wilson, which is amazing because you’re such an incredibly intelligent person!”
They really need to make an LDS church version of Glengarry Glen Ross.
7 responses so far ↓
1 John // Oct 14, 2007 at 5:20 am
Your comment about in the end it’s just us and the Lord reminds me of a former bishop’s comment - “We’re all in this together, alone.”
Ultimately, our salvation and judgement endpoint is up to us. I’ve often wondered what the final family relationships will look like in the hereafter, what with adoptions, missing links, etc.
2 David // Oct 15, 2007 at 6:01 am
I suspect the structure we imagine when we say “families are forever” won’t exist over there. Once again remembering everything, our natural placement will be different. When we think of our earthly parents we can’t imagine them as anything but that. When we go back, it will be Heavenly Mother & Heavenly Father we’re looking up to, once again all brothers and sisters. This life will have been just a blip, an exercise, a very brief rite of passage. Imagine that and it’s easy to imagine the rest.
3 Elise // Nov 3, 2007 at 9:53 pm
I grew up in a family of gospel theorists. We have discussed this topic lightly, arriving at the amusing conclusion that all earthly marriages are incestual.
In all good sense though, whatever happens to our children and ancestors, the one earthly relationship that must exist intact and unchanged is marriage. Its importance extends beyond the “blip” of mortality. Don’t you think?
4 David // Nov 3, 2007 at 10:36 pm
I believe in the everlasting covenant of marriage, but beyond that I’m not going to bet the farm. There have been hints from the Brethren that couples might be rearranged because one spouse pulled their weight during probation more than another. When my friend suggested that in the end it’s just you and the Lord, does that mean you’re not necessarily judged how much love, faith & service you generated as a couple, but how much you, yourself, invested in it? And in the scheme of “how close you can get to the light,” doesn’t that mean that chances are good you may end up imbalanced with your partner?
I love my wife dearly. I go to the temple with her and think of her when I pledge to strive for eternal life. On the other hand, I mull over what my friend said and wonder if & how my values and perspective will change when it’s all over. Knowing nothing except that the Gospel is true, and believing everything that transpires is ultimately for my happiness, I look forward– with my wife– to accept whatever situation awaits.
5 Shannon // Nov 7, 2007 at 5:57 am
I have wrestled with this subject for much of my life. I am happy to see someone is willing to talk about it.
I am as committed to the Church as you will find. I have no doubts as to the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am also a 5th generation mother of eight who believes the the primary song “Families Can Be Together Forever” is propaganda and cruel and should be removed from the songbook. It causes untold anxiety and distress to those little kids who know that their family is different enough from the ‘ideal’ Mormon family, that they don’t ‘qualify’. Rhetoric such as what is presented in that song produces feelings of shame and inadequacy. What percentage of our church is like the beautiful people they choose to be on the cover of the Ensign; a Mother and a Father who are obviously very in love with each other and their picture perfect children who are all aglow with testimonies that are unshakable? In a child’s mind no entry is given to the ethereal hereafter for their family if there is a Word of Wisdom issue, where abuses exist (which is usually a family secret), divorce (remember that our stats are no better than the general population), any family member’s testimony wavers, or any number of issues that face most families. I believe the song creates an image that is nigh to impossible to achieve.
That said, I don’t believe the message of the song. I believe it is false doctrine. I don’t believe that The New and Ever Lasting Covenant is about creating groupings of a Mom a Dad and their children that were born to them on earth into tight little groupings for eternity. What about the generations before and after that unit? What is described in the lyrics,”I always want to be with my own family”, implies such short sightedness. “my own family” is the family of Father in Heaven. We have so much more to look forward to. The relationships that were created before this life have meaning and importance that cannot with our mortal minds conceive. We will be with “our entire family”. I wish the song would incorporate our entire Heavenly Family. Loved ones without number.
If a children were taught in this larger view, I believe that it wouldn’t as easily produce feelings of loss or fear of eternal separation and loneliness.
Salvation is an individual accomplishment. And we will be surrounded by those we love in one great family. It soothes concerns for those in families with varied circumstances.
I am raising four children whose mother died when they were very young. We are a united happy family. How does she fit into the family in in next life? What about children of divorce where their parents have remarried and been sealed to a new spouse? How do step and half brothers and sisters fit into the Heavenly Family?
The New and Ever Lasting Covenant, it is beautifully simple. We are the children of our Heavenly Parents, and we will go back to live with them and all those we love, not just the tiny subgroup that is described in the misleading lyrics of the song that caused me such pain as a young girl.
6 Andy E. Wold // Apr 3, 2008 at 6:55 am
I got thinking about this “curve ball” the other day, and a couple of thoughts came to mind.
1. As far as I know, there is NO scripture that says that all of our Heavenly Father’s children were born simultaneously. Hence, Jesus was our elder brother, the first born. The rest of us were born sometime between Jesus’ spiritual “birth” and the Council in Heaven and the proceeding War in Heaven (which is further proof that we’re a bunch of siblings — can’t even hold a family council without war breaking out.)
If we were spiritually “born” generations apart, I can easily see how we wouldn’t consider the earlier generations of our spirit siblings as siblings, but more as parents, grandparents, etc. Even in this life, my youngest siblings and I are nine and ten years apart, but we’re not as close as siblings as my next youngest sister. We grew up in different decades, I finished my mission before either entered their teenage years, etc.
2. If we were born of separate Heavenly Mothers, it may be an easier concept to wrap one’s mind around — we’re all actually half-siblings.
3. Even if the “generational” idea is wrong, I can see that it would be much easier for a perfected 70-year-old to see his perfected 70-year-old brother in heaven as his son on earth.
(I hope those personal thoughts don’t add spit marks to anyone else’s curve balls.)
7 David // Apr 3, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Andy (#6),
Not at all! I mean, really, what do we know about what’s to come? Not a heckuva lot. I was merely suggesting we don’t assume anything– there will probably be some surprises waiting in the wings.
Leave a Comment