Rough Stone Rolling

The Conversion Story in its ideal form tells of the cursing, beer-belching reprobate who one day is hit with a heavenly bolt and then looks back to his errant ways no more. He becomes forever cheerful, helpful and peppy. I’m both fascinated by and wary of him. It isn’t that I readily dismiss the power of God, it just resembles bipolar disorder so much. My life in the world before conversion had some pretty fun moments, and I’m not quite ready to shudder & shrink at their memory, even though I don’t engage in them anymore. I love the Church… and I love the world. I’m Archie, juggling my two girlfriends, Betty and Veronica, while trying not to get in dutch with either of them. If you were never a big Archie comics fan, the setup was basically this: Betty is the sweet, faithful good girl and Veronica is the rapacious, exciting, self-absorbed not-so-good girl, and they both wanted Archie. A good example of my pas de trois with the babes is, I like hanging out with friends at a local pub. While they throw back their Guinness and Bushmill, I nurse my O’Doul’s and diet Coke. We stay ’til after midnight laughing and telling stories, and I go home feeling satisfied. Mind you, this only happens about once a month. Conventional LDS wisdom tells me I shouldn’t be there at all. Temptation, appearance of evil, being a good example and all that good stuff. But– and you can dismiss this as fool’s talk– I stay close to the Church. I breeze through the interviews with flying colors, go to the temple, give my family and others blessings liberally… I just prefer the atmosphere of Timmy Nolan’s over Marie Callender’s. Is this not forsaking my evil ways? I’m sure I’d get different answers from saints in Orem and Los Angeles. Joseph Smith said, “I am like a huge, rough stone rolling down from a high mountain…” That’s me– big rock…rough, rough, rolling, polishing.

I guess that’s the purpose of this blog, my polishing process. I’ve tried somewhat to be a good member, but recently I’ve been called to a significant leadership position and, frankly, it’s made me way more introspective. Mormon angst. Kurt Cobain with a recommend. I don’t expect this will be interesting to most of you, but perhaps it’ll exorcise some of the muck in me.